(A)Sexual: A Review [Trigger warning: rape, sexual abuse, asexual-targeted bigotry]
I saw the documentary (A)Sexual today. It’s about a group of asexual folks, and focuses a lot on David Jay as the world’s current best-known asexual educator.
A lot of the movie is about the prejudice asexuals face and live with. But the documentary doesn’t label the coverage as coverage of prejudice and bigotry and doesn’t distinguish between “people saying horrifyingly cruel and bigoted things” and “asexual people saying that they should be allowed to live and be loved without being raped”. The filmmakers seemed to be trying to present the bigotry as “alternate opinions” about asexuality. Dan Savage, in particular, was much-featured. (We ended up putting his segments on mute because what he said was so dreadful)
The bigotry and shaming and pressure to be sexual depicted in this film is really intense, and it is throughout the film from beginning to end. In addition, several asexuals tell stories of having dissociative and frightening sexual encounters they neither wanted nor enjoyed, but these experiences are not labeled rape or nonconsent by anyone in the film. Some of the speakers talk about facing intense pressure from their partners to be sexual, but this is not labeled sexual abuse. And throughout the film, almost everyone the asexuals interact with pressures them to have sex and tells them they are disgusting and broken for not wanting sex.
One of the worst moments in the film is toward the end, when David Jay talks about how he’s accepted that in order to sustain a primary relationship with someone who will raise children with him, he may have to have sex with his future partner(s). Because, he says, otherwise he thinks no partner would ever be able to commit to staying with him. So, basically, in the course of this film you hear a person say he would rather face a lifetime of being raped than continue to be undervalued and discarded by those he loves.
There is one happy asexual couple who get married in the course of the film, and they’re adorable together. But even here, the guy in the relationship enjoys kissing and she “doesn’t like it but just closes her eyes and lets him do it because he enjoys it.” This is not discussed as problematic. (Extra trigger warning: the woman in the couple is a circus performer and you see her pound a nail through part of her face on camera without any particular warning or reason—just to show us, I guess?)
There is one asexual aromantic person featured, but they’re not featured as much as the others, who want nonsexual relationships.
The film is also whitewashed—you only see maybe two or three asexuals who visibly read as being people of color. There’s also binarism that comes up in discussions of sexual orientation.
So the overall message of this film is: asexuals can maybe be happy if they’re also aromantic or if they hook up with an asexual partner, but otherwise they’re doomed to a lifetime of bigotry, abandonment, and sexual abuse. I was triggered and deeply disturbed by the content of this film, and I obviously do not agree with the conclusion it comes to.
Signal boosting about how (A)Sexual is fucked up. :|
